What do emotionally secure children often hear from their parents?
The words spoken by parents during childhood play an important role in how children see themselves and the world around them. More than encouraging good behavior, communication within the home can help build self-esteem, emotional security and resilience.
According to child psychologist Lorraine Tonini, specialist in Applied Behavior Analysis, children who become emotionally secure adults tend to grow up in an environment where they feel welcomed, respected and loved, even when faced with mistakes and difficulties.
"These are messages that show that they are accepted and valued regardless of the result. This strengthens the feeling of security and personal value", he explains to CNN Brasil.
Phrases that help build self-esteem
According to the expert, healthy self-esteem is not born from constant praise, but from the way parents recognize their children's learning process.
Instead of just valuing achievements and results, she recommends reinforcing attitudes, dedication and courage to face challenges.
Some phrases that contribute to this development are:
- "I'm here for you."
- "You can try again."
- "It's okay to be sad."
- "I love you just the way you are."
- "You tried really hard."
- "I noticed you didn't give up."
- "You were very brave in trying."
- "What did you learn from that?"
According to Lorraine, this type of communication teaches children that making mistakes is part of learning and that their value does not depend solely on success.
"When parents value effort, persistence and the strategies used, the child tends to develop more confidence to face challenges and deal with frustrations in a healthy way", he states.
The compliment that seems positive, but can get in the way
Although praising your children is important, the psychologist warns that one of the most common compliments can have the opposite effect when used in excess: saying that the child is "very intelligent".
At first glance, the phrase seems to strengthen self-esteem. However, when intelligence becomes the main reason for recognition, the child may believe that they always need to live up to this expectation. As a result, she may begin to avoid difficult situations for fear of making mistakes and failing to be seen as intelligent.
"She can develop the idea that her capabilities are fixed. Thus, difficulties start to be interpreted as failure, and not as learning opportunities", explains the expert.
For this reason, the recommendation is to replace compliments focused only on personal characteristics with comments that highlight dedication, persistence and strategies used to solve problems.
How to strengthen children's self-esteem on a daily basis
In addition to choosing words, small everyday attitudes make a difference in building children's self-confidence. Among the psychologist's guidelines are:
- Validate the child's feelings, showing that emotions such as sadness, fear and frustration are natural;
- Recognize the effort, not just the results;
- Avoid comparisons with siblings, colleagues or other children;
- Allow children to face challenges compatible with their age, developing autonomy;
- Show affection consistently, regardless of school performance or achievements.
For Lorraine Tonini, healthy self-esteem is built when children understand that they are valued for who they are, and not just for what they can do.
"The way parents deal with their own mistakes and difficulties also serves as a model. Children learn a lot by observing how adults face frustrations and challenges", he concludes.
Booklet guides how to talk about mental health with children
Source: CNN