The Biggest Aspidistra In The World
View chords used in this chart
Intro: E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A Adim7 E7 A
verse 1
A C#7 D/F#
For years we had an aspidistra in a flower pot
Bm7 A B7 E
On the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'all
A E7 C#m7 F#m
It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother Joe
E B7 E7 B7 E
Had a notion that he'd make it strong and tall
A7 G D
So he's crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree
B7 E7
And he's planted it against the garden wall
Bridge
A Adim7 A A Adim7 A
It shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly touched the sky
A B7 E7
It's the biggest aspidistra in the world
Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm
We couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' high
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world
C#m G#7 C#m
When father's had a skin full at his pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes'
C#m G#7 B7 E
He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes
A Aaug F#7 Bm E7
No, you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apes
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
Up the biggest aspi - distra in the world
verse 2
A C#7 D/F# A
We have to get it watered by the local fire brigade
Bm7 A B7 E
So they put the water rates up half a crown
A E7 C#m7 F#m
The roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanes
E B7 E B7 E7
And they came up half a mile outside the town
A7 G D
Once we hired the Crystal Palace for an 'ot house
B7 E7 B7 E
But a jealous rival went and burnt it down
Bridge 2
A Adim7 A A Adim7 A
The tom cats and the moggies love to spend their evenings out
A B7 E7
Up the biggest aspidistra in the world
Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm
They all begin meowing when the buds begin to sprout
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
Up the biggest aspi - distra in the world
C#m G#7 C#m B7 E
The dogs line up for miles and miles a funny sight to see
C#m G#7 F#7 B7 E7
They sniff around for hours on end and wag their tails with glee
A Aaug F#7 Bm E7
So I've had to put a notice up to say it's not a tree
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world
Bridge 3
A Adim A A Adim A
It's getting worn and weary and its leaves are turning grey
A B7 E7
Its the oldest aspidistra in the world
Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm
So we water it with half a pint of Guiness every day
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A
Its the stoutest aspid - istra in the world
C#m G#7 C#m B7 E
The borough council told us that we've got to chop it down
C#m G#7 F#7 B7
It interferes with aeroplanes that fly above the town
E A Aaug F#7 Bm E7
So we sold it to a wood yard for a lousy half a crown
E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A A Adim7 E7 A
It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world
Outro
N.C.
The biggest, biggest, biggest aspidistra in the world
How to play The Biggest Aspidistra In The World
Use the controls above to change the key and text size. Follow the highlighted chords while listening, then practice each section slowly before playing at the original tempo.
What is the starting chord?
The first identified chord is E7. You can transpose without leaving the page.
Can I play it on guitar or keyboard?
Yes. The chord progression works on acoustic guitar, electric guitar and keyboard. Adapt the voicings to your instrument and level.