The Biggest Aspidistra In The World

Intro: E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A Adim7 E7 A verse 1 A C#7 D/F# For years we had an aspidistra in a flower pot Bm7 A B7 E On the whatnot, near the 'atstand in the 'all A E7 C#m7 F#m It didn't seem to grow 'til one day our brother Joe E B7 E7 B7 E Had a notion that he'd make it strong and tall A7 G D So he's crossed it with an acorn from an oak tree B7 E7 And he's planted it against the garden wall Bridge A Adim7 A A Adim7 A It shot up like a rocket, 'til it's nearly touched the sky A B7 E7 It's the biggest aspidistra in the world Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm We couldn't see the top of it, it got so bloomin' high E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world C#m G#7 C#m When father's had a skin full at his pub, 'The Bunch of Grapes' C#m G#7 B7 E He doesn't go all fighting mad and getting into scrapes A Aaug F#7 Bm E7 No, you'll find him in his bear-skin playing Tarzan of the apes E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A Up the biggest aspi - distra in the world verse 2 A C#7 D/F# A We have to get it watered by the local fire brigade Bm7 A B7 E So they put the water rates up half a crown A E7 C#m7 F#m The roots stuff up the drains, grow along the country lanes E B7 E B7 E7 And they came up half a mile outside the town A7 G D Once we hired the Crystal Palace for an 'ot house B7 E7 B7 E But a jealous rival went and burnt it down Bridge 2 A Adim7 A A Adim7 A The tom cats and the moggies love to spend their evenings out A B7 E7 Up the biggest aspidistra in the world Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm They all begin meowing when the buds begin to sprout E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A Up the biggest aspi - distra in the world C#m G#7 C#m B7 E The dogs line up for miles and miles a funny sight to see C#m G#7 F#7 B7 E7 They sniff around for hours on end and wag their tails with glee A Aaug F#7 Bm E7 So I've had to put a notice up to say it's not a tree E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world Bridge 3 A Adim A A Adim A It's getting worn and weary and its leaves are turning grey A B7 E7 Its the oldest aspidistra in the world Bm Bdim7 Bm Bm Bdim7 Bm So we water it with half a pint of Guiness every day E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A Its the stoutest aspid - istra in the world C#m G#7 C#m B7 E The borough council told us that we've got to chop it down C#m G#7 F#7 B7 It interferes with aeroplanes that fly above the town E A Aaug F#7 Bm E7 So we sold it to a wood yard for a lousy half a crown E7 Fdim7 Bm/F# G E7/G# A A Adim7 E7 A It's the biggest aspi - distra in the world Outro N.C. The biggest, biggest, biggest aspidistra in the world