The Shitbirds

[Verso 1] G G6 G When Ted was a boy, we got lots of calls, from teachers, he was G7 popping the heads off of dolls C G And from mothers of girls Ted beat up at the mall, he was a rotten little SOB G G6 G He was torturing frogs, & teaching kids slurs, he burned down a G7 warehouse, he was on his dads nerves C G Spent many a night snuggling with inmates in a local jail cell Dadd11 C He was a demon child, just going buck wild, & it was too late for G birth control [Verso 2] G G6 G So many times, when I gave Ted a pass, it went right off his stick, G7 & and he fell on his ass C He cursed & he swore to his teammates, Dont you know who the Fuk G I am? G G6 He went into the lockers, and drank all the Coors, there wasnt none G G7 left for the boys in the 4th C G And he cursed out his linemates, Pass me the Fukin Puck! Dadd11 C G Hes low-down, dirty, puck-hoggin, cherry pickin Son of a Bitch [Verso 3] G G6 G Ted gets to work late, and stares at his desk, spills the barley and G7 yeast on the floor in a mess C G He makes half a batch and forgets the ingredient mix G G6 G Ted crawls out a tank, drunk on all fours, takes a nap in the G7 warehouse, and pisses his drawers C G And he serves his urine tainted cocktails to the public at large Dadd11 C Im in the class action lawsuit on Societe Beer, Teddy stop G serving us piss over here [Verso 4] G G6 G When Kate does the dishes, and the laundry and cooks, Teddys sits G7 there giving horny ass looks C G Hes an insatiable pervert, who scours Adult book stores for tricks G G6 G The kids love their Daddy, but sometimes it seems, he falls asleep G7 reading to em, and farts while he dreams C G Their beds smell like beer, & French fries, & theres no room to rest Dadd11 C Sometimes they wish Ted would travel for work, and stop hanging round G like a jerk [Verso 5] G G6 G Teddys never in tune and he cant hold a key, hes either wasted on G7 Pupil or just Ketamine C G I got fingers and wax in my ears, just to deaden that sound G G6 G He plays half a bar and then forgets all the chords, his attempts at G7 singing just go beyond words C G Its like a lady getting murdered at midnight on the subway train Dadd11 C G Someone please buy Ted a tuner, before the band replaces him sooner