The Craig Torso Christmas Show
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[Neil]
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And now, stay tuned, it's time for the provocative controversial, Craig Torso Show
[Vivian]
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And Here he is CraiiiIIIIIIIIIIGGGGG... torso. "Hi, there! (Craig Torso is wonderful!)
Yes, and plenty wonderful but more on that later on the show today:
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The Bob Bent experience
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The Chamber Pot man
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Pearl Harbring Lyndon Johnson
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The blow away set
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Tarzan Stripes
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And introducing, Johnny Hawk & The Pavement Oysters
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I'd like to have more guests on the show but unfourtunately can't play any-hi *Sigh*
*Mock Cover Of "I Remember You" by Johnny Mercer begins*
[Verse 1]
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That's the cue, a rave newie from Pearla Lyndon on Corp label title coming up:
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I dismember you
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You're the one who taught me to unscrew
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Your leg a few moments ago (Quack quack)
[Sponsor]
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And now a word from our sponsor
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Fab! (Quack quack)
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Thank you, that's one of my famous words
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Some LP's are shame
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But this one is a thriller
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Go out and buy it right awaaayyyyy!
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Our LP, "Gorilla"
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Yeah, Gorilla, a groovy LP on Freedom label but not as groovy as I am
F
(Craig Torso is wonderful!) Aaaand next one please
*Mock Cover Of "With a Little Help From My Friends" by The Beatles begins*
[Intro 1]
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This is Craig (A nice contestant please)
[Verse 2]
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What did you say that your name was again?
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"Uh, Derek" are you married? "I am"
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Have you come here with your wife? "I have not"
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Are you sad because because you're on your own?
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"Oh, I'm alone" Don't you have any friends? "No"
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I'm sorry, and now a response to your millions of letters, which all seem to say the
same old thing
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Craig Torso is wonderful!
*Mock Cover Of "I Left My Heart In San Francisco" by George Cory begins*
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That's nothing but here's something just for you Janet Sneville of [?] Gardens, S.E.3
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Get ready real soon Janet, I'm singing only for you
[Verse 3]
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The loveliness of Paris, thank you very much
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Seems somehow sadly gay, thank you very much, keep running in those wonderful letters
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The glory that was Rome
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Is of another day
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I've been terribly alone
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And forgotten in Manhattan
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I'm going back to my city by the bay
[Interview with Tarzan]
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That's all we have time for, with us in the studio back from his fantastic tour in
central Europe
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Singing star, Tarzan Strife! *Applause and shouting*
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Come on over Tarzan and say, hello
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"Uh, hello Craig" Well hello Tarzan, it's nice to have you on the Craig Torso Show
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Craig Torso is wonderful!
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Tell me, are you a regular listener?
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"Oh yes, I'm quite regular, thank you Craig and I'm a real fan of your show. I've got a
new record coming out"
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Well, thats all I wanted to hear and that's all we have time for Tarzan, so keeeeep
swinging! ha ha
[Commercial]
FOUL AIR:
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What's that awful smell, darling?
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"Why don't you know, it's Nu Spray Foul Air"
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Foul air?
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"Yes, wonderful Nu Foul Air, quickly disspells perfume or floral smells.
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Makes your home reek like a slaughterhouse!"
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You mean it's goodbye, boring fresh air?
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"Mmhmm, and it's only 17/11 in its attractive pack"
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I rather like it, foul air, I must remember that. What a marvelous X-mas present
[Back to the show]
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Yes, foul air smells real good, bt not as good as I do
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Craig Torso smells wonderful!
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*Ring* *Ring* Oh, there goes the telephone again if I'm not mistaken and I never am
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Hello this is Craig Torso, who's that please?
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"Uh, Mrs. Slater"
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Can I get a first name?
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"Yes, Nora"
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May I call you later? ha ha ha
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Tell me, what does your husband do?
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"Ah, he's doing it now!"
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Do you do anthing other than being a housewife?
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"Ah boogaloo *Gibberish*"
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Oh, thank you, shut up, thank you for coming on the show, thanks for saying so many nice
things about us"
*Mock Cover Of "Oh Carol" by Neil Sedaka begins*
[Intro]
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And now time for a real rocker from Johnny Hawk & The Pavement Oysters
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Written ecpesially for The Craig Torso Show, titled, "Oh, Craig"
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Ooooh, WEE-hee-hee-hoooooo (Ahhhhh)
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WEE-hee-hee-hoooooo (Ah-ah-ah-ahhhh), ah-ah-ahhhh
[Verse 4]
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Oh, Craig, why are you so vague?
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I need your loving, like I need the plauge
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'''' '''' '''' ''''
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Well, that's just about winds it up as an old friend used to say.
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Our next week's show, The Spinal Curvatures, Sammy The Singing Gorilla, and a newie from
Andy Stewarts.
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So don't forget now, same time, same place, you've been listening to The Craig Torso
Show.
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Starring and introducing, yours truly, Craig Torso. Don't forget, Craig Torso is really
wonderful.
F
Bye 'cept for now: Craig Torso was wonderfullllllllllllllllllllll!
Como tocar The Craig Torso Christmas Show
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