The Mystery Of The Squarest Country
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Afinação: E A D G B ECapotraste: Sem capotraste
[Note] The song is sung by Jay Foreman and/or Mark-Cooper Jones during an episode of Map
Men.
[Note] The link is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mrNEVUuZdk
[Intro]
N.C.
Someone's emailed us asking which country looks most like a square
N.C.
What a stupid question, totally pointless
N.C.
Slovakia? No. Georgia? No.
N.C.
Bangladesh? No, Bangladesh looks like a wizard
N.C.
You think everything looks like a wizard!
N.C.
Ghana? Too long
N.C.
North Macedonia? Too round
N.C.
Liberia? Uhh, no
N.C.
Malaysia? Jay, Malaysia is not a square!
N.C.
Well there must be one somewhere!
[Verse]
N.C.
Not in Oman, or the UAE, and Yemen's more a rectangle. Yes, I can see
N.C.
And Russia's nothing like a square, too long as far as I'm aware
N.C.
Mali starts off strongly but right here it goes to pot
N.C.
Burkina Faso is irregular, four sided it is not!
N.C.
Italy's a boot, and so is Papua New Guinea
N.C.
What about Benin and Togo? No, they're both far too skinny
N.C.
What about these little countries, Costa Rica, Lebanon?
N.C.
There's no square in Singapore, Brunei, Mauritius or Gabon
[Verse]
G
Kuwait looks like a little thumb, Madagascar looks quite lean
D
Burundi looks quite like a heart, Qatar looks like a bean
G
India's a diamond and Slovenia's a splot
C D G
Cuba's very long and thin and both Koreas are short and squat
C
Mozambique has got too many sides, Uzbekistan as well
C
Little Paraguay's no paradigm, Mauritania's an "L"
G
Malawi's like a seahorse, Guinea-Bissau's a weathered rock
D G
Nauru's nearly a circle and Somalia's a sock
E Am
France is famously a hexagon that fact is quite well known
E Am
But it's not the only one it's joined by Sierra Leone
D G
What about these landlocked countries like Nepal or South Sudan?
D
They're not square nor is Denmark, Finland, China or Iran
G
Luxembourgers are all squares, which their borders don't reflect
D
And Australia's a cat-dog, and Japan we must reject
G F# F E
Guatemala's got two square-ish sides in this bit in the north
C D G
But it won't meet our criteria as it needs a third and fourth
[Bridge]
Em
Timor-Leste? Doesn't pass the test
B7
Moldova, Guinea? Don't be silly.
Am D
Little Rwanda? Doesn't stand a hope in hell
N.C.
Nor does Israel.
N.C.
Are we seriously gonna go through every country?
N.C.
Yes, I think it's important
[Verse]
G
Both the USA and Canada have squares in large amounts
D
But we're only counting countries so states don't count
G
Poland would look like a square if it invaded to the south
D G
Kazakhstan looks like a turtle with a leaf stuck in its mouth
C
Despite the square's efficency, the Germans don't come close
C
And Peru is like a resting dog, Guyana's like a ghost.
G
Ethopia and Switzerland look like potato wedges
D G
Norway, Sweden, and New Zealand have far too crinkly edges
E Am
If you have a lot of coastline then your sides will not be straight
E Am
So the square-ness if the Philippines, Greece and Ireland won't be great
D G
Tajikistan's quite funky, so is elephant-head shaped Thailand
D
There's no square in Indonesia's 18,000 tiny islands
G
If your country's made of islands, a square it will never be
D G
There are loads of tiny countries that are mostly empty sea
D
Trinidad and Tobago, St. Vincent and the Grenadines, the Solomon Islands, the Seychelles
D D7
The Maldives, Micronesia, Fiji, the Marshall Islands, St. Kitts and Nevis
D7
Sao Tome and Principe, the Bahamas, Cape Verde, Tonga, Vanuatu
[Verse]
B Em
The Netherlands are flat although its edges do not fit
B Em
And the following are countries with a sticky outy bit
D G
There's Afghanistan, Namibia, the DRC's got two
D
There's Ukraine, Eritrea, Cyprus, and Kosovo
Em
Is Morocco square? No, it's more a stair
B7
Kiribati? Not square, alas
Am
Senegal? Not square at all!
D
San Marino? San Mari-no!
[Verse]
G#
C.A.R., so near so far, Botswana looks like a flounder
D#
Chad looks like Jay Leno, Eswatini couldn't be rounder
G#
Mongolia looks like a bat, the Congo's kinda foxy
D# G#
Myanmar's like a genie, and not even slightly boxy
C#
Belize has one edge, here that's straight, but this bit's rather lumpy
C#
Algeria and Kenya are pentagons, Honduras is too bumpy
G#
Sri Lanka's like a raindrop, Kyrgyzstan's a bird in flight
D# G#
Iraq and Jordan's lines are straight but the angles aren't quite right
F A#m
Colombia's kinda square-ish though its borders are quite rough
F A#m
And Iberia would pass but Spain alone's not square enough
D# G#
If Bolivia expanded, than a square it just might be
D#
Nicaragua would look square if you viewed it in 3D
G#
Little Liechtenstein and the Argentines are not square in the least
D#
The Dominican Republic? Well that just tapers to the east
G# G F# F
Lesotho's sort of square-ish but the angle's on the wonk
D# G#
Cameroon is like a chicken with a huge badonkadonk
[Bridge]
Fm
Mexico? Nope, nope, nope, nope
C7
Portugal, too thin, too tall
A#m
The Saudis? Too much on a slant
D#
The Vatican? The Vati-can't!
[Verse]
C Fm
Listing every country by its shape is not an easy job
C Fm
When inevitively most of them look only like a blob
D# G#
So to make things more efficient as I'm sure you've got the jist
D# G#
Here are all the blobby countries in a quick, compiled list
N.C.
Andorra, Antigua and Barbuda, Austria, Barbados, Belgium, Belarus, Bhutan, Bosnia and
Herzegovina
N.C.
Cambodia, Czechia, Djibouti, Dominica, Estonia
N.C.
Grenada, Hungary, Iceland, Latvia, Lithuania, Romania
N.C.
Serbia, St. Lucia, Tanzania, Uruguay, Zimbabwe
[Verse]
A
Samoa's like a butterfly whose wings have been removed
E
But add Ecuador and Bahrain, and it's massively improved
A
Little Monaco's so tiny you can see the piers within
E
Chile's very, very, very, very, very, long and thin
D
Uganda cannot be a square because of all the lakes
D
The Gambia, Vietnam, and Panama all look like snakes
A
Haiti, Croatia, and Zambia all have shapes that wrap around
E A
Syria's just a bit too slopey, and El Salvador's too long (that doesn't rhyme!)
F# Bm
Palau looks like a jellyfish, Pakistan looks like a duck
F# Bm
Azerbaijan looks like a bird that's been run over by a truck
E A
This monkey is Armenian, this shooting star's Laotian
E
Jamaica, Malta and Niger are creatures from the ocean
A G# G F#
Greenland's not a real country even though it's really big
E A
The UK looks like an old witch sitting sideways on a pig
F#m
Comoros would if it were glued
C#
Some parts of Tuvalu look rude
Bm
Turkmenistan looks like something or another
E
Tunisia and Albania look like each other
[Bridge]
F E F E
South Africa's too wobbly, Bulgaria's too knobbly
F E F E F
Brazil is too triangular, Turkey is too rectangular
[Verse]
A#
Now the only countries left are ones whose squareness are the best
F
If you know which ones are coming, we're incredibly impressed
A#
Little Montenegro's square if you rotate it some degrees
F A#
South Sudan has left behind a very square North Sudanese
D#
The angles in Angola mean it's nearly good to go
D#
And Nigeria comes close, although it bulges down below
A#
Libya is nearly square, it's more a parallelogram
F
And Cote d'Ivoire and Suriname do well in our exam
G7
Equatorial Guinea's very square but unfortunately
F
Since its capital's on an island, then the squarest it can't be
[Tag]
D# F
So the winner of our contest
A# G7
Fitting all our tight prescriptions
C7
It's the squarest of the squarest, the nation of the Pharaohs
C7
The land of Cleopatra, the country where the Sphinx is
F A#
It's the land of the Egyptians!
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