Talkin' Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues

This hilarious talking blues is just a cycle of G, C, D chords with sometimes the length of each chord varying depending on the phrase and harmonica playing. G C Well I saw it advertised one day that the D Bear Mountain Picnic was coming my way, G C Come along and take a trip D we'll bring you up there on a ship C C D bring the wife and family bring the whole kids - yippee! Well I ran right down and bought a ticket to this thing called the Bear Mountain Picnic Little did I realise I was in for a pleasant funny surprise - It had nothing to do with picnics, didn't come close to a mountain and I hate bears. Took the wife and kids down to the pier, there was 6000 people there and everybody had a ticket for the trip, I said "oh well it's a pretty big ship". Besides anyway the more the merrier! Well we all got on and what do you think, that big old boat started to sink. More people kept piling on and that old ship was going down - funny way to start a picnic. Well soon I lost track of my kids and my wife - so many people I never saw in my life, that old ship started sinking down in the water and those 6000 people were trying to kill each other. Dogs barking, cats a-screaming, women a-yelling, men a-flying, fists a-flying, paper flying, cops a-comiing, me a-running - I think we'd better just call off the picnic. I got shoved down and got pushed around all I remember was a moaning sound Don't remember one thing more all I remember is waking up on the shore. My arms and legs were broken, my feet were splintered, my head was cracked, I couldn't walk, I couldn't talk, smell, feel, I couldn't see, I didn't know where I was, I was bald, quite lucky to be alive though. Well feeling lucky I climbed out of my casket, I just grabbed back hold of my picnic basket, took the wife and kids and started home wishing I'd never got up that morning. Now I don't care just what you do, if you want to have a picnic thats up to you, just don't tell me about it I don't want to hear it, you see I just lost all of my picnic spirit. I'll stay in my kitchen. Have a picnic in my bathroom. Well it don't seem to me quite so funny what some people are gonna do for money, there's a brand new gimmick every day, just to take someones money away. I think we oughta take some of these people, put 'em on a boat, send 'em up to bear mountain for a picnic. Submitted by Martin Keane, keane@sinesurf.co.nz